Now if you’ve ever purchased something that you think, this is going to be that life changing event, book or course and you build up those expectations in your head so when you get there you say, huh…is that it? Is that what I was waiting for? I’m not going to lie, I feel like a spoiled brat even saying this to you but there was a little piece of me that felt like that with UPW. This was my first Tony Robbins event and I didn't know what to expect because I had built up expectations in my head.
When I start to question if it was worth the time and money, I have to say to myself that I got some really big takeaways. I can honestly answer yes it was worth it. Whether it met or exceeded my expectations, the value was still there. I saw this event as a challenge for me. It wasn’t my normal business conference but it was about life and how to get the most out of it.
Progress = happiness
Some of us are always waiting for that breakthrough and wanting to go from 0-100 but that's not what it looks like for most people. There are not overnight successes. Tony said, “There should always be progress. You are either growing or dying. There is no plateau.” This lit a fire under me! If I’m not growing I need to be careful because I don’t want to be getting smaller or hit that plateau. Am I tracking enough to see if i am actually growing? It’s not a feeling it’s a fact. Are we getting results and getting paying clients.
With that, Tony talked about 6 human needs: certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection growth and contribution. He made us look at these and identify the most important one, the one that drives and fuels us every day. I know we want ALL 6 of these but start with just 1. I was almost embarrassed by the one I chose because it seemed egotistical. My #1 is significance. I want to feel significant and be an overachiever, accomplish things and always moving forward. That is what drives and fuels me.
It turns out 90% of people in that room wanted the same thing. He says be careful because the more significant things that I do I always want more and more. This scares me because I know it will never be enough for me and I will always be thinking now what? What’s next? Now, why is this bad? Because I want to be able to feel gratitude and moments of contentment. Once you pick yours, look at what these needs are and what they mean to you.
Love and connection was my next highest need. I always picture myself, my husband and my girls all together. I realized I wasn’t doing enough of that right now. I need to make sure I am giving my kids and my husband the love and attention they need. I see myself as a better mom than a wife and I want to be the best at both. This was eye opening for me. When my kids go off to college it will be just me and him and we will end up being disconnected and I will not risk the chance we won’t be together. I know I can be a lot better in both areas! Can you relate to this?
Ok next takeaway…the fire walk. I would have paid the $700 just to do this. If you haven’t heard of this fire walk, it’s pretty insane! The first day of the event was all about getting in a positive state and being able to block things out. I have always thought I am pretty good at this and never get stressed out. Truth is, I do get stressed but I just handle it well. I’m so focused on where I want to go and what I want to do that I don't have time to focus on other things like that.
We were getting pumped up the whole day and just imagine a line of 10,000 people clapping and chanting “yes”, but it went by SO fast. You step up, make your move, get in your state, say yes a few times and get yourself ready to walk across the fire. You don't have room to think other thoughts when your mind is already thinking something. If you keep negatively thinking your brain doesn't have room for the positive things. So we need to focus on the positive to stay in that mindset.
I noticed a lot of people got burnt and I didn’t. How did this happen? When I went up, the lady leading told me to go. But, that wasn't what we practiced. She didn't give me that time to prepare and get in the mindset we worked on all day. It was almost like peer pressure, like go, go it’s your turn. I completely blocked her out and I took that time to do my thing before walking on the coals. I felt nothing. No heat or anything like that. The other people I talked to said they were rushed. See the difference? Just because someone tells you to do something doesn't mean they are the boss of you. It has to feel right. It has to be what you want to do.
I’ve read The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod almost a year ago and I was consistent with what the book said to do and then all of a sudden I would skip a day of meditation and that habit got away from me. We did SO many meditations at the event and I felt way better after doing them. This made me put meditation back on my to do list every morning, no excuses. If you're not doing meditation yet it's amazing and the studies they shared with us about reducing stress, getting in the right mindset and zone to help you have a more productive day.
During this I learned I need to smile more, dance more and do less work. I grew up always talking to older people and I would always be in situations where I am surrounded by older people, not my own age. These 4 days made me realize I need to have more fun, not take things so seriously. This is why I love SoulCycle, I’m a dancer! I love the music and the beat which is why I created a playlist to turn on every morning so me and my girls can dance and teach them that life can be fun!
The crazy girl
We were doing an activity to talk about our 5 year vision and getting ready to start and a girl stands up to ask Tony a question. She told him that a joke he told (listen to the podcast for the full story!) was against women's rights and he was in the wrong. A 25 year old girl telling Tony Robbins how to grow….what??
She ruined the experience and the activity for everyone else in that room. Tony said to her you know you have your own agenda and you’re making sure this is about you and not about everybody else. He told her she is so sensitive in this area that you aren't allowing yourself to move past it and she was blaming him for it. It was amazing to see him in this situation. He didn’t get angry, didn't tell her off but instead was asking her if she can see how it's affecting her.
It’s terrible of me to judge her and label her as the crazy girl but we’ve all been that girl, right? The girl that is too busy or to set in our minds that something is right or something is wrong that we cannot see everyone else's opinions or what is actually going on. Think about if what you have to say is being presented at the right time.
It’s so important to believe who you are and what your identity is. If you’re struggling with your beliefs or your identity, you will not be able to move forward. Beliefs are truly everything. Tony brought up that we have to attach pain to what we’re doing. People will move more toward getting away from pain than they will toward getting more pleasure. For example, if you drink alcohol or had too much too eat or had too much to drink you will never want to drink or eat it again. The exercise we did for this was to pick 3 limiting beliefs that are holding us back like, I’m not educated enough, not thin enough, too young, too old I'll never make enough money or get my voice out there. We had 45 minutes to go deeper with one of these beliefs and discuss the worst case scenario if it were to become our reality. This exercise was incredibly powerful.
I want you to pick 1 limiting belief. One of mine was that I’ll never make enough money. That’s crazy right? Yes. Now I know this is not true and I’m good but I still believe that I won't have enough and I always want more and to get to that next level. If you truly believe that, now think what is the worst case scenario? I started writing that I might miss out on investments, not charge enough or miss out on events. He kept pushing and saying ok, what would that do? Then what?
He then made the children in the room leave and go to another area for a different activity because this room was going to get intense. I thought people would cry….no. People were screaming and sobbing. I thought I was in a haunted house. One word to describe this: intense. It made me realize I wasn’t thinking worst case scenario if people are reacting this way.
So we kept going and I concluded that if certain things happen in my business it will cause stress at home and maybe my husband will want to leave me and take the kids, I'll lose my children and husband, he will marry someone else and there will be someone else raising my kids. And I realized I can't let this belief take this away from me. There is no way. This is what made me realize I need to be a better wife and a better mom. Do this exercise for yourself and I promise you it will be so worth it.
I got clear on my mission
You might think that I’m pretty niched down already and know what I want I still feel like I’m missing something. I wrote down “To empower women to raise their standards in business and in life. “ I always tell people I’m not a perfectionist but I have very, very high standards. Sometimes you have to let things be good enough but we just have to raise our standards. We don't have time to be perfect in our business or in our life. Would I have paid $700 just to get my mission more clear? Absolutely!
Finding report with people to make a connection
It’s so important to start modeling and mirroring people to really make sure we are building a connection. People like people that are like them. He made us a goal to find report with someone you meet tonight and to be like them, stand or talk like them and just find something you have in common. I had NO idea how I was going to do this and then a couple started talking to me in the hotel lobby.
Being an introvert I wanted out of the conversation as fast as possible. Then I said let me just do this and see what happens. It turned out they were from Minnesota and have a vacation home in Wisconsin, which one of my friends has one in the same city. You never know who you’re talking to and what connections can lead to other connections to build your network.
The things Tony was saying about this I knew most of but I wasn’t really doing them. Just because you know something but you're not doing it means you don't fully understand it yet. When my daughter Tanner was born I read the book called, Healthy Child Healthy World and I really suggest you read it. It changed my world. The author is the co-founder of the Honest Company with Jessica Alba that offer chemical free products. I never believe the accusations against this company because these products are SO much better than any other standard product you might be using! I truly believe this guy knows what he's talking about because it’s his life mission and even if you don't have kids you need to read that book!
Side note: Tony even said you might be using the wrong deodorant right now! Do not use deodorant that has aluminum in it. You are putting toxins into your body which can be very harmful down the road. Check out native deodorant (my favorite!)
I want to share a few of my favorite quotes from Tony over the 4 days:
“It’s not a lack of resources, it’s a lack of resourcefulness.”
“It takes skills not just beliefs but if you don’t believe, the skills won’t matter.”
“Create more value than anyone ever anticipates.”
“Find a team that will challenge you not support you.”
“Proximity is power. Getting around people or being in proximity with those people will help you move faster.”
“Out of all the decisions you have to make, the biggest most important is who you hang around.”
“Leaders anticipate, losers react.”
“What do your children need to know? What do they need to see?”
“Successful people make decisions quickly and they focus on the why, not the how.”
I know you have all been waiting for this so here it is…I have an exclusive download just for you including an entire playlist of all the songs played at his event. This playlist is something I have added to my morning routine to get in a positive state and make for an even more productive day. Just go to shesbuildingherempire.com/playlist!
Understand that your energy is everything. The more you can focus on where you want to go versus where you are you will blow up. Your business and your life will explode. You have so much ahead of you and I hope you truly truly believe that.
Tag me @stacytuschl with a big takeaway or your favorite quote. I would love to hear from you!
Find out more about Tony Robbins at https://www.tonyrobbins.com